Funny. You sure have been hanging around more often lately. I think it is because you LOVE us and you LOVE our food and you LOOOVVVEEEE our salty wit. Jeff thinks you keep coming back because we are certifiably insane and like a good train wreck, you just can’t look away.

Okay, he may be SOMEWHAT correct. But regardless you like us enough to stick around, even if it is to see what the hell happens next. Well look out because somehow we are returning for yet another round of THE GREATEST BLOG ON EARTH! Staring yours truly(s), and about 59 other insanely hungry bloggers. And this time, our lovely host FoodBuzz, is pulling us kicking and screaming from the sanctity of our kitchens and thrusting us out into the cold cruel world to eat SOMEWHERE ELSE. Controlling as they are, we not only had to make and eat ONE course, but THREE. And they were going to make us bring something to drink too. And pack it all in a rather small yet well insulated FoodBuzz Cooler. The horror!

Ok look. We were getting a little tanked here. All we have been doing for the past 5 weeks is cooking up elaborate meals for our friends and family. And before that was summer time. Where we, well, grilled up elaborate meals for our friends and family. Don’t get me wrong. WE LOVE YOU GUYS! But seriously, I am beginning to think we are not a “couple” but a thirteen-sum. We were dying for some quiet time alone to, uhh, sit and get to know one another(?) So Jeff suggested a little day trip. We would bring along our stocked cooler of provisions. Enjoy a simple overnight camping trip at week’s end. He would even take a HALF DAY! Just him and me. Us. And a tent. Meh. Usually I am opposed to tent slumber because of the lack of outlets, but I was THRILLED at the chance for a break from the day-to-day and I JUMPED on him it.

Look! Look how happy I am in this photo. I am squeezing the LIFE out of our sleeping bag!

That big smile. The look of sheer joy. THAT WAS PURE BLISS I TELL YOU!

—

“Was” being the KEY word in that sentence… because here I am Wednesday.

As Jeff had just informed me that we had the obligations of a family function to attend. BUT not all hope was lost he told me after enduring me whining for thirty five minutes. We could just go SATURDAY after we got home!

See? Me. Happ happ happy! (WHY YES! Yes you crazy detective you – that IS the same happy photo. Congratulations. You get a cookie…)

Then Friday morning rolled around. And I was all making the bed and making coffee and making plans and then I look at Jeff. Jeff who had this look on his face that includes his “I’m cute please don’t kill me” smile. I glared at him. He said “um hon I forgot that I was on call this week and there is this thing I need to do this weekend (translation SATURDAY NIGHT) because of the fact I am on call but I can probably do it tonight but I’ll have to stay late and…” My eyes must have done a slow burn into his brain as he back peddled out of the room. I yelled after him JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN as he grabbed his coffee and slid out the door professing his ever undying love because lets face it, he had to come home to me.

But HE ACTUALLY PULLED IT OFF! He did what he had to do and we fulfilled our family obligations and YAY we were finally on our way! AND THEN his PHONE rang. My blood ran cold. He answered. Swallowed hard and his eyes became saucers as he turned to me. I mouthed “I kill you” as he pulled into the center lane. And turned around. No WiFi in the woods he said. I have responsibilities he said. You DO understand that right he said? I nodded that I did, showed him that he was my number one and sulked the entire way home. Sigh.

But you know what. He STILL made it happen. We just didn’t go that far from home. And my tent wasn’t a tent but it had outlets. And WiFi. And a view of our house. We “camped” in our back yard. And where I know that we didn’t technically leave home, we DID leave the house. And cooked up a storm with our cooler full of camping goodies at “Camp He Cooks She Cooks.”

First on the menu was Camp Fire Chili. Lucky us we installed that fire pit or we would have had to set fire to the remains of the tomato garden.

We (Jeff) makes one mean pot of chili. (My chili has beans in it which almost got me kicked out of his circle of trust but since it is just me and him in it he had to make a few concessions.) And chili over an open fire while pseudo-camping would be even better.

Camp Fire Mole Chili with Bells Two Hearted Ale

3 lbs of chuck, cubed and dusted with flour
1/2 lb bacon, diced
1 T paprika
4-6 T whole chili powder (started with 4 TB but added more halfway through to taste)
1 T oregano
1 T mix of cumin and coriander (1 to 1/2 ratio)
2 ounces of Mexican unsweetened chocolate
1 bottle of a high quality ale
3 cups of beef stock
1 onion, diced
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1/4 teaspoon of cayenne powder
1 large can of diced tomatoes
salt/pepper

First things first. You need to cook up the magical chili mirepoix.

Cook up the bacon while the dutch oven is getting hot, rendering out all that awesome bacon grease.

Remove the bacon, and brown the beef in the bacon grease. You will probably have to do this in a couple of batches so that you do not over crowd the beef or it will not brown.

Remove the beef and allow to drain.

Cook up the onions for a couple of minutes, till just softened.

It is customary at this point to crack open a beer. If you do not, your chili will fail miserably. Just saying.

Now add the beef and bacon back to the pot along with everything else on the list.

Mix well, cover and relax. Check and stir every 20-30 minutes, tasting each time. We always end up adding more chili powder and sometimes salt as we cook. This is why tasting is important. Cleanse you palate each time with another tasty brew.

And while that chili cooked for a couple of hours, Jeff plugged away on his computer, every so often checking my level of annoy-ity. It was waning. But I wasn’t going to admit that to him. Besides I had a book, my Droid and corn bread pancake-like fritters to attend to.

Sweet Corn Camp Side Cakes

Part 1 – the dry ingredients:
1 cup AP flour
1 cup corn meal
1/4 cup sugar
1 T baking powder

Part 2 – the wet ingredients:
1 egg
1/4 cup milk
2 T canola oil

Part 3 – the grill side ingredients:
hand full of the bacon reserved from the chili
1/2 cup corn kernels

Add all ingredients together, stir to incorporate.

While Jeff saved the world – I tried not to burn myself cooking over hot coals.

Heat oil (we used extra bacon grease brought from home) in a cast iron skillet. Once the oil is hot, drop spoon fulls of the batter in the skillet. Cover and cook a few minutes. They will get nice and puffy. Flip and cook till golden. NOTE: Over hot coals this all happens pretty fast. Stove top you can control the heat. By the way, these would work great in a cast iron corn bread pan.

Yay! Time to eat. The chili was hot and spicy and the corn bread sweet. Feel free to top your chili with whatever your little ole’ heart desires… We used onion, Serrano and queso fresco cheese. It was the perfect meal while kinda camping the backyard on a dreary, overcast 60° day. So perfect Jeff stopped working to eat. Double yay!

And while we enjoyed dinner. I tossed the apples in the coals.

Hot Coal Apples

apples
brown sugar
cinnamon
whole oat granola

Core and slice the apples.

Place the apple in the center of a sheet of foil.

Throw some brown sugar, granola and cinnamon on the apple.

Wrap up in a ball.

Toss on hot but not flaming coals (or in a 375° oven). Leave for 5-10 minutes.

Flip and leave for a few minutes more.

Serve with a splash of cream.

So obstructions, set-backs, delays and changes in scenery aside, it was an absolutely great time. We did admit however, it felt realllllly weird to not have a yard full of friends eating and drinking and laughing with us. But yea we still didn’t pick up the phone to call any of you. Actually we did text one friend to rub in the roaring fire, the yummy chili and the cold beer but he deserved it. We’ll make it all up to you this weekend. Promise.

Sorry we didn’t invite you either, dear reader, but we hope that you will forgive us and cast a vote in our favor for Most Awesomeist Food Bloggers Evaaah! If you do there is an ice cold beer in it for you.

You can find it in the cooler at the liquor store on the corner of… Oh who am I kidding. You KNOW where it is.

Ah yes, nothing like planning a dinner party for 8 when you really wish you were curled up on the couch in a blanket with some hot tea and Jack Daniels watching bad TV. Instead we were doing fun things like chopping piles of garlic and grating fresh horse radish. To clarify, Jeff and I were unlikely advancees in the FoodBuzz Project Food Blog Cage Match Championships. Which was really cool and yet really disturbing. Because I didn’t realize how many of you LIKED SPAM! (And were willing to admit it on a public forum like this here blog.) But YAY we made it to round 3 (partially thanks to YOU dear readers) and now get to cook for our friends. Because we hardly never ever do that more the 3 times a week… This time we were tasked to introduce them to “new tastes and exotic flavors.” Jeff and I agreed almost immediately that maybe we should just make them eat vegetables…

We entertain a lot. Truly, A L O T!!! We’ve both said it many times before – it is what makes us tick. Good food and good friends and good drink are the cornerstones of our life. This challenge was going to be right up our alley. We just wanted to make it a little different and a little special.

So Rule 1) We wouldn’t smoke or grill anything. I knew that was going to be a stretch, but we are always using the grill or the WSM whenever we have friends over. We don’t call it a cookout for nothing. This time they were going to enjoy food prepared the way you rich folk with appliances make food.

2) Different yet close to familiarity. Flavors they knew and wouldn’t shun yet taste combination’s that would test their taste buds. And they would have to say the last part of that line 5 times really fast.

and finally 3) They would drink some really good beer.

That being said – we concocted our menu and got to work:

We were pretty damn excited that for the first time in many months we would NOT be serving chicken wings or chicken thighs or chicken feet. You were looking for a recipe link on that last one weren’t you? HA! No. We would be slow roasting a delicious prime rib with a beautiful horseradish and garlic crust.

Horseradish Encrusted Standing Rib Roast.

6 pound standing rib roast
1/2 cup of freshly grated horseradish
4 cloves of garlic minced
1 T of fresh rosemary
1 T of fresh thyme
2 T of smoked kosher salt
heavy pinch of freshly crushed black pepper
heavy glug of olive oil

Allow rib roast to come to room temperature.

Combine horseradish, garlic, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper an olive oil and smash until a pesto like paste is formed.

Slather that gorgeous hunk of meat (top and sides) with the horseradish mixture till well coated. Note: The bottom of a standing rib roast is the side with the bones. It acts as a built in rack of sorts. I know you know this but my college English professor once told me to write as if who you are talking to has never seen what it is you are talking about before so I did. But just this once because seriously, how obnoxious IS THAT?

Place prime rib in a heavy bottomed pan and roast in a 250° F oven until the internal temperature reaches 115° F. (Approximately 30 minutes per pound).

Remove prime rib from oven and raise to highest temperature setting. (For us that was 500° F)

We interrupt this prime rib recipe for an appetizer…

While we cranked our oven up, we put our jalapeno cream cheese stuffed prawns wrapped in bacon, in the oven. Normally this would take 20-25 minutes at 400° F oven, but given that we have only one oven which was already in somewhat use with the prime rib, we made due.

I think they turned out SWIMMINGLY !

Bacon Wrapped Prawns, Stuffed with Jalapeno Cream Cheese and Drenched with Tupelo Honey (from all natural free range bees)

16 Prawns
8 oz cream cheese, softened
4 jalapenos diced
1 serrano diced
1 T honey plus more for drenching during baking.
16 slices of bacon

Shell, de-vein and butterfly prawns.

Combine cream cheese, jalapenos, serrano and 1 T honey.

Lay a spoon full of the cream cheese mixture down the middle of each prawn.

Wrap prawn with slice of bacon.

Place on a rack in a baking pan, bacon ends down.

Bake in 400° F oven for 15 – 20 minutes, until bacon begins to crisp up.

Drench each prawn with a teaspoon of honey and bake for 5 additional minutes.

Serve immediately.

WE INTERRUPT THIS APPETIZER FOR A MENU EMERGENCY!

Where the FREAK were we going to BAKE the POTATOES? The matchstick carrots were made stove top but ugh the hasselback potatoes!

So we broke rule 1. It was a stupid rule anyway. When we took the prime rib out of the oven and slid the prawns in, the potatoes went straight on the grill, which we attempted to keep at 425° for 35 minutes.

Oh let me go back to that INSANE prime rib:

Once the oven has reached your highest temperature, place roast back in and cook for about 15 minutes or until crust is nice and… well… crusty.

Remove and let sit for 20 minutes before carving.

Jeff’s smile went from ear to ear when he sliced into that roast. And I swear our friends all gasped. Which may have been because Jeff almost took off his thumb on that first slice, but then again it may have been the pure utopia that is known as perfectly roasted beef.

The hasselback potatoes were crunchy and garlicky and the matchstick carrots complimented the roast with sweet delicateness.

(Recipes coming soon! Promise.)

But we were hardly finished. We wrapped up this culinary adventure with Crispin “The Saint” hard cider simmered pears, which were served with mascarpone, a drizzle of maple syrup caramel and crushed puff pastry. (Recipe coming soon! Promise.)

Paired with a really nice surprise from Jeff. Some Boulevard Brewery’s Quadruple Ale which I have been absolutely DYING for for some time now.

He knows the way to my heart is with some really good meat and a strong tasty ale.

…

I honestly think that the success of this night was summed up perfectly with the title of this post; “Tonight, during dinner, our friends were oddly silent…” Normally, as we stand around the grill sucking down wings and brats and burgers and beers we laugh and joke and tell stories and plan our next get together for as soon as humanly possible. But tonight, they were so engaged with what we were feeding them that the only sounds we really heard were mmmm’s and sigh’s and the occasional “oh wow.” But mostly they were silent.

That was the best compliment we could have ever received.

I hope you enjoyed living vicariously through our photos and cold medicine induced dissertation written word…. and maybe you felt like you were here with us. If so I am really sorry that I flicked that spoon full of mascarpone at you. But you deserved it.

And if you didn’t MIND the mascarpone in your hair – kindly throw a FoodBuzz Food Blog of Crazy Ass INCREDIBLE vote our way. Thanks!

BUT, and I don’t really want to point fingers here but… someone else hasn’t posted in like 6000000 days… so if any flogging is going to happen it will be HIS patootie that get’s it NOT mine. I have a plethora of excuses. But only one way to make it up to you…

Bacon.

This is one of my all time favorite sandwiches of awesome to make. The only problem is that once I start making them, I don’t stop. It takes an amazing amount of will power to just say no. Or ok I’ll stop at 13…

The Apple Bacon and Brie Swammich. Oh HOLY HELL now I want one for dinner…

And yes, I know what you are thinking – Apple on a sandwich???

Effin YEA!

Start out with some really good, nutty bread. My favorite for this is a whole grain bakery bread with flax and sesame seeds and oats and M&M’s and poppy seeds and sunflower seeds…

Just checking to see if you are paying attention…

Ok – now the hard part…

Cook up some delicious thick cut fresh smoked bacon and try not to eat it all before you assemble the swammich…

Thinly slice up a tart apple. Granny Smiths are perfect, and my favorite.

Slice up that yummy brie.

Heat up your grill pan / panini pan / press / etc.

Spread a very thin layer of butter on one side of each slice of bread…

Spread some stone ground mustard on the other side of one slice and top with a few (about 17) slices of brie. Then top with the bacon slices. Use as many as your taste buds or your cholesterol will allow. (Um… 47 seems about right. NO! 48…) And then add the apple slices.

On the other slice of bread, add some more mustard if you like… and butter side UP finish the sandwich.

Lay that sandwich of cheesey bacony goodness on the hot grill / paninininini pan (Cheese side down) and press. Oh yea momma – hear that sizzle?

This is almost NSW!

When the cheese begins to melt and squish out of the swammich, take it off the pan and eat before anyone else gets home.

Ah yes… you can thank me now, and curse me later when you suffer from addiction.

Yea. You.

Referring to my previous, yet highly whimsical blog as a *BARF* baking BLOG? You obviously glanced over the pepper vodka, beef jerky, Italian sausage, beer and brats and the world famous bacon brie swammich posts. It was a regular party over there! Oh and a few items of note: 1) I don’t recall you objecting while your mouth was full of said baked goods and B) remember it was YOU who helped BAKE this…

Just saying…

But like any relationship, there has to be give and take. And Jeff is going to give me hella grief if I don’t post more then baked goods. Even tho this IS THE HOLIDAY season, and no one wants to bring brisket to a cookie exchange…

So I decided to meat him half way. Ha haa! Meat him. I slay me.

I about perfected my basic chocolate chip cookie recipe this past weekend. I would post those but none are left because oh that’s right – someone helped EAT them… so instead I am going to combine that recipe, with a special something from my recipe bag o’ tricks. Sure to quell even the crankiest of meat eating beasts.

Chocolate Chip Maple Bacon Cookies

That sound you just heard was Jeff’s head exploding.

I did something in this recipe that might freak a few people out. I never did it when I made these before but I thought why the hell not. Let’s throw down that smoked meat gauntlet! You may want to sit down…

Ok – let’s start.

The Goods

8 slices of thick cut, high quality, bought from the butcher, bacon, diced. (PLEASE not pre-packaged slimy stuff… blech.)
1/2 c butter, softened
1/2 c white sugar
1/2 c brown sugar
1/2 c REAL maple syrup (You there. Put down Mrs. Butterworth.)
2 eggs
1 T Vanilla
2 1/2 c AP flour
1 t baking soda
1/2 t cream of tartar (optional – see note.)
1 1/2 c chocolate chips

The Deal

Cook up bacon slowly in a pan till crisp. Remove bacon to paper towel to drain and strain the rendered bacon fat from the pan. Measure out 1/4 cup of that bacon fat and place in the fridge to cool. (Be sure to save the rest of that fat for future use.) Scared yet?

After the bacon fat has cooled, add to the butter and whip till combined. I told you to sit didn’t I? You could easily just use 3/4 cup of butter or even a whole cup, which is what I usually use for my regular ole’ chocolate chip cookies. But that bacon fat was just STARING AT ME. Taunting me. So I thought why not.

When thoroughly combined with the butter, add the eggs, vanilla, sugars and maple syrup. Whip into submission.

Combine the flour, baking soda and cream of tartar and add to the butter and sugar mixture till just combined.

You will notice the lack of salt here. I felt that the bacon fat and the bacon itself added quite enough where no extra would be needed.

Fold in chocolate chips. Then the bacon. Mmmm bacon.

Note: The cream of tartar gives the cookie surface more definition. Without it you get a very smooth cookie. If that is the look you like, you can omit this as it is strictly for cosmetic purposes.

Chill the dough. Un-chilled dough will spread out so thin when baked you can see thru the cookies…

Once chilled, place balls of dough on a pan and throw it in a pre-heated 350° oven for 10-12 minutes (till golden my friends) and then remove to rack to cool.

Enjoy enjoy enjoy!

I bet you take back that BARF baking crack now…