Oh yeah many of you were asking what I got Heather for Valentine’s Day.  Well it follows the annual theme of creepy garden gnomes.

It is the female one on the left and I got it from http://www.whatonearthcatalog.com/whatonearth/Item_Skel-A-Gnomette-and-Skel-A-Gnome-Garden-Sculptures_CF2993G_ps_dpr.html.  Great company with prompt shipping and awesome customer service.

Past that it is finally starting to break from winter here so the garden plotting and planning is even in full effect.  Heck Heather started a bunch of seeds so I would not be surprised if DEA is not knocking down my front door in a couple weeks because of the heat signature my house is putting out.

The other major change is the garage is slowly being turned into the official Safehouse Brewery and Brewpub.  Invitation only but the beer is cold and guarantee a grill or a smoker is got something cooking on it.

This was one of those recipes that was grilled to delicious perfection.

For the coleslaw you will need:

• 1/2 cup mayo
• 1/4 cup IPA or other beer
• We cheated and bought a coleslaw kit since it is a heck of a lot easier than sitting there using a mandoline to break down cabbage and carrots.  However; if you are inclined I am betting a small head should suffice.
• If you are grating cabbage and not being lazy make sure you add in a grated carrot.
• 1/2 red onion thinly sliced
• 2 chipotle in adobo diced
• 2 teaspoons honey
• 1/4 cup cilantro
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• juice of one lime
• salt and pepper

Coleslaw idiot directions:

• Combine
• Put in fridge
• Wait a couple hours
• Taste.  Do you like it?  Great then you are ready.  If you hate it adjust the flavors.  You might need more salt or pepper.

For the fish you will need:

• 1 lb mahi
• 1/4 cup canola oil
• juice of a lime
• 1 tablespoon ancho powder
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne
• 1/4 cup cilantro

Fish is even harder than the coleslaw to make:

• Combine everything
• Wait 20 minutes
• Grill or oven bake until the fish is flaky

To assemble the tacos:

• Soften corn tortillas
• Throw in some spoonfuls of coleslaw
• Add in some flaked fish
• Throw in whatever in the heck else you like
• Serve and enjoy!

Funny. You sure have been hanging around more often lately. I think it is because you LOVE us and you LOVE our food and you LOOOVVVEEEE our salty wit. Jeff thinks you keep coming back because we are certifiably insane and like a good train wreck, you just can’t look away.

Okay, he may be SOMEWHAT correct. But regardless you like us enough to stick around, even if it is to see what the hell happens next. Well look out because somehow we are returning for yet another round of THE GREATEST BLOG ON EARTH! Staring yours truly(s), and about 59 other insanely hungry bloggers. And this time, our lovely host FoodBuzz, is pulling us kicking and screaming from the sanctity of our kitchens and thrusting us out into the cold cruel world to eat SOMEWHERE ELSE. Controlling as they are, we not only had to make and eat ONE course, but THREE. And they were going to make us bring something to drink too. And pack it all in a rather small yet well insulated FoodBuzz Cooler. The horror!

Ok look. We were getting a little tanked here. All we have been doing for the past 5 weeks is cooking up elaborate meals for our friends and family. And before that was summer time. Where we, well, grilled up elaborate meals for our friends and family. Don’t get me wrong. WE LOVE YOU GUYS! But seriously, I am beginning to think we are not a “couple” but a thirteen-sum. We were dying for some quiet time alone to, uhh, sit and get to know one another(?) So Jeff suggested a little day trip. We would bring along our stocked cooler of provisions. Enjoy a simple overnight camping trip at week’s end. He would even take a HALF DAY! Just him and me. Us. And a tent. Meh. Usually I am opposed to tent slumber because of the lack of outlets, but I was THRILLED at the chance for a break from the day-to-day and I JUMPED on him it.

Look! Look how happy I am in this photo. I am squeezing the LIFE out of our sleeping bag!

That big smile. The look of sheer joy. THAT WAS PURE BLISS I TELL YOU!

—

“Was” being the KEY word in that sentence… because here I am Wednesday.

As Jeff had just informed me that we had the obligations of a family function to attend. BUT not all hope was lost he told me after enduring me whining for thirty five minutes. We could just go SATURDAY after we got home!

See? Me. Happ happ happy! (WHY YES! Yes you crazy detective you – that IS the same happy photo. Congratulations. You get a cookie…)

Then Friday morning rolled around. And I was all making the bed and making coffee and making plans and then I look at Jeff. Jeff who had this look on his face that includes his “I’m cute please don’t kill me” smile. I glared at him. He said “um hon I forgot that I was on call this week and there is this thing I need to do this weekend (translation SATURDAY NIGHT) because of the fact I am on call but I can probably do it tonight but I’ll have to stay late and…” My eyes must have done a slow burn into his brain as he back peddled out of the room. I yelled after him JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN as he grabbed his coffee and slid out the door professing his ever undying love because lets face it, he had to come home to me.

But HE ACTUALLY PULLED IT OFF! He did what he had to do and we fulfilled our family obligations and YAY we were finally on our way! AND THEN his PHONE rang. My blood ran cold. He answered. Swallowed hard and his eyes became saucers as he turned to me. I mouthed “I kill you” as he pulled into the center lane. And turned around. No WiFi in the woods he said. I have responsibilities he said. You DO understand that right he said? I nodded that I did, showed him that he was my number one and sulked the entire way home. Sigh.

But you know what. He STILL made it happen. We just didn’t go that far from home. And my tent wasn’t a tent but it had outlets. And WiFi. And a view of our house. We “camped” in our back yard. And where I know that we didn’t technically leave home, we DID leave the house. And cooked up a storm with our cooler full of camping goodies at “Camp He Cooks She Cooks.”

First on the menu was Camp Fire Chili. Lucky us we installed that fire pit or we would have had to set fire to the remains of the tomato garden.

We (Jeff) makes one mean pot of chili. (My chili has beans in it which almost got me kicked out of his circle of trust but since it is just me and him in it he had to make a few concessions.) And chili over an open fire while pseudo-camping would be even better.

Camp Fire Mole Chili with Bells Two Hearted Ale

3 lbs of chuck, cubed and dusted with flour
1/2 lb bacon, diced
1 T paprika
4-6 T whole chili powder (started with 4 TB but added more halfway through to taste)
1 T oregano
1 T mix of cumin and coriander (1 to 1/2 ratio)
2 ounces of Mexican unsweetened chocolate
1 bottle of a high quality ale
3 cups of beef stock
1 onion, diced
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1/4 teaspoon of cayenne powder
1 large can of diced tomatoes
salt/pepper

First things first. You need to cook up the magical chili mirepoix.

Cook up the bacon while the dutch oven is getting hot, rendering out all that awesome bacon grease.

Remove the bacon, and brown the beef in the bacon grease. You will probably have to do this in a couple of batches so that you do not over crowd the beef or it will not brown.

Remove the beef and allow to drain.

Cook up the onions for a couple of minutes, till just softened.

It is customary at this point to crack open a beer. If you do not, your chili will fail miserably. Just saying.

Now add the beef and bacon back to the pot along with everything else on the list.

Mix well, cover and relax. Check and stir every 20-30 minutes, tasting each time. We always end up adding more chili powder and sometimes salt as we cook. This is why tasting is important. Cleanse you palate each time with another tasty brew.

And while that chili cooked for a couple of hours, Jeff plugged away on his computer, every so often checking my level of annoy-ity. It was waning. But I wasn’t going to admit that to him. Besides I had a book, my Droid and corn bread pancake-like fritters to attend to.

Sweet Corn Camp Side Cakes

Part 1 – the dry ingredients:
1 cup AP flour
1 cup corn meal
1/4 cup sugar
1 T baking powder

Part 2 – the wet ingredients:
1 egg
1/4 cup milk
2 T canola oil

Part 3 – the grill side ingredients:
hand full of the bacon reserved from the chili
1/2 cup corn kernels

Add all ingredients together, stir to incorporate.

While Jeff saved the world – I tried not to burn myself cooking over hot coals.

Heat oil (we used extra bacon grease brought from home) in a cast iron skillet. Once the oil is hot, drop spoon fulls of the batter in the skillet. Cover and cook a few minutes. They will get nice and puffy. Flip and cook till golden. NOTE: Over hot coals this all happens pretty fast. Stove top you can control the heat. By the way, these would work great in a cast iron corn bread pan.

Yay! Time to eat. The chili was hot and spicy and the corn bread sweet. Feel free to top your chili with whatever your little ole’ heart desires… We used onion, Serrano and queso fresco cheese. It was the perfect meal while kinda camping the backyard on a dreary, overcast 60° day. So perfect Jeff stopped working to eat. Double yay!

And while we enjoyed dinner. I tossed the apples in the coals.

Hot Coal Apples

apples
brown sugar
cinnamon
whole oat granola

Core and slice the apples.

Place the apple in the center of a sheet of foil.

Throw some brown sugar, granola and cinnamon on the apple.

Wrap up in a ball.

Toss on hot but not flaming coals (or in a 375° oven). Leave for 5-10 minutes.

Flip and leave for a few minutes more.

Serve with a splash of cream.

So obstructions, set-backs, delays and changes in scenery aside, it was an absolutely great time. We did admit however, it felt realllllly weird to not have a yard full of friends eating and drinking and laughing with us. But yea we still didn’t pick up the phone to call any of you. Actually we did text one friend to rub in the roaring fire, the yummy chili and the cold beer but he deserved it. We’ll make it all up to you this weekend. Promise.

Sorry we didn’t invite you either, dear reader, but we hope that you will forgive us and cast a vote in our favor for Most Awesomeist Food Bloggers Evaaah! If you do there is an ice cold beer in it for you.

You can find it in the cooler at the liquor store on the corner of… Oh who am I kidding. You KNOW where it is.

We should admit, when we looked and saw that the next exciting episode of FoodBlog: The quest for the Golden Spatula consisted of making our very own take on pizza our heads exploded. See, I hail from the pizza mecca of North America: Chicago. (And for those of you that just said “ummm don’t you mean New York?” Bite me.) I am the epitome of a pizza snob. My father worked in a pizza joint when I was a child and pizza was a daily part of my life. The smell of oregano and pepperoni make me swoon. It is hard for me to find pizza that I reaaaaalllly like. Fast forward to now. I find myself living in North East Indiana. In the city where Jeff has lived HIS ENTIRE LIFE. In the SECOND biggest city in Indiana, yet to me it SCREAMS rural. Sigh, what a girl won’t do for a boy and love… Sorry, where was I? Good pizza here is as rare as unicorns and leprechauns. There is some good stuff, but, well, it is NOT Chicago. SORRY BUT IT IS NOT!!! (Are you rolling your eyes at me? Please refer back to the previous direction to “Bite Me”.) Thing is? We both LOOOOOOVE Pizza. L O V E.

So, we asked our friends. “If you could have a chef come to your house and make you whatever kind of pizza you like what would it be.” You see, we were looking for a smidgen of direction. Yeah… we got stuff like “all pineapple” and “3 inches of melted cheese” and “how about like every different type of sausage you can find?” Jeff and I just stared at each other blankly. And we thought our friends would be of help. SILLY SILLY FOOD BLOGGERS!!!

Then it hit me. That all these simple laughable answers we were getting all had one thing in common. EXCESS. Pure unadulterated EXCESS. 23 pounds of 117 different types of cheeses on some crispy thick crust would have likely put us all in the hospital with gastronomical distress, but we would have been very very happy. Then Jeff reminded me of the first “pizza” we ever made together. It was a little over a year ago, and it utilized the focaccia recipe from the Bread Bakers Apprentice book and consisted of all the onions we could get our hands on. (See photo below) It was DIVINE. I called it our French Onion pizza. It was gone as soon as we took it out of the oven. It was excessive, and amazing, and with a few changes, a few additions and a few more pounds of onions… would be perfect.

It being OCTOBER my onion choices were slightly limited, but with a little hunting I was able to round up 6 different types (in 6 different pounds):

Six livres six oignon pizza Francais l’oignon… ** (Loosely translated: 6 pounds of 6 onions French onion pizza)

**Correction (Because I am SO not French…): Six livres de six oignons: pizza française à l’oignon.* – Thanks Marie!

3 # of white onions
1 # of brown onions
1/2 # of Vidalia onions
1/2 # of Cipollini onions
1/4 # of Italian red onions
and
3/4 # of shallots

And like before we used the focaccia recipe (half actually) from the BBA, or Bread Bakers Apprentice bread book. However I used extra olive oil because I added the amount for the WHOLE recipe. I have BBAD (Bread Bakers Attention Deficiency…).

The dough was ready and waiting for me (pressed out nice and thin in a 11 x 17″ baking pan, and lightly brushed with olive oil), so I set out that afternoon to cut up all 6 pounds of onions and get them a-sweating. Apparently I was so moved by Jeff’s ability to remember that special time in our lives when we first met and MADE our original French Onion pizza because I BAWLED the entire time I was slicing. Sigh…

Anyway, I heated a couple T of canola oil and a half stick of butter in heavy bottomed stock pot and added in all the onions. Stirred well to coat the onions, and covered the pot. Set the heat on med low and let it go for about 3 hours or so, stirring every 20 minutes. The smell was divine. The onions drastically reduced and turned a beautiful golden color. MUST resist the urge to eat every single one.

Then I removed the lid and added 2 beef bullion cubes and about half a bottle of beer. Beer was actually not part of the original plan (Ha ha ha – I made it sound like we had an actual plan… ) but I was drinking one while working my ass off in the kitchen and I was too lazy to get a cup of water. At this point I also added a pinch or two of fresh thyme and rosemary, salt and fresh cracked black pepper. Cooked it down till about half the liquid evaporated, then removed from the heat to cool. Once slightly cooled, moved it to a glass bowl, covered and set it in the fridge.

Oh I also fried up a pound and a half of diced thick cut bacon.

And shredded about 12 oz of Gruyere cheese.

And checked my cholesterol. (180. Okay. We’re good.)

And waited patiently for Jeff to get home and our friends to come over…

and had another beer.

THEN FINALLY IT WAS TIME!

We preheated the oven to 500° and finished prepping the pizza.

In a food processor, we pulsed to process the onions till a chunky sauce was formed. (About 5 seconds). I spread the sauce over the dough and then took the WHOLE POUND AND A HALF of bacon (or whatever was left from my abusive bacon snacking…) and spread it evenly over the sauce. Topped it with a thick layer of cheese and stuck it in the hot oven for 10 minutes. Then we reduced the oven to 400° and baked it till the cheese was golden brown and bubbly. Removed, sliced and served immediately because it is too much fun to watch our friends make those “OH HOLY HELL MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE” faces.

It was the perfect pizza.

Oh and be glad you are seeing THAT photo because Jeff took the WHOLE pizza from the hording masses while I held them off with the pizza cutter.

It was gone in under 6.3 seconds.

It was THAT Good.

So if we have tickled your taste buds in any way, shape or form… or maybe you just have not had enough coffee yet and you are willing to cast your vote for just about anyone at this moment. Click below and throw us a vote for Super Foodie! Look at it this way… if you do you are probably standing out from the crowd…

~

*Carl Sandburg, American poet

This is really not BBQ because to me BBQ is low and slow cooking but everyone closely associates BBQ sauce as having a majority of the ingredients that are used in this dish so… “BBQ” it is.

Oh yeah and for the record I think we had to set a new record.  We decided hey it is fall and I have a passion for burning stuff (not like creepy arson guy and I just realize there is absolutely no way I can make that previous statement sound right so pray I never get arrested on arson charges because that statement would end me in jail.  However; the spin off Blog He Shanks She Cooks would be awesome).  Anyways back on track… so we build this killer fire pit and are having a blast with friends over drinking beer and b.s.ing.  Next thing we know the joyous Fire Department shows up saying someone is complaining about a smoke nuisance.  Now according to the fire department (who were polite and even turned down the offer of s’mores) even though the fire pit is legal if someone complains we have to put it out.  However; they cannot fine so from here on out the fire pit is going to be constantly running in hopes of annoying neighbors because that is what we do……

With this recipe we busted out our secret stash of booze, dug deep, and found Honey Crisp by Crispin.  Awesome drinking cider but everything is better with chipotles……

For this recipe you will need:

• 2 cups of Honey Crisp (regular cider would work too but try to find the Honey because it adds an awesome flavor and the added bonus is you will have a cup leftover for consumption)
• 1 cup of ketchup
• 2 bay leaves
• 2 teaspoons ancho chili powder
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• salt/pepper
• small dash cayenne pepper
• 1 onion finely diced
• 3-4 cloves of garlic
• 2 chipotle in adobo diced
• teaspoon of fresh thyme
• teaspoon of Worcestershire sauce
• teaspoon of paprika
• Canola oil and a tablespoon of butter

Steps to chicken success:

1. Pre-heat your oven to 400 degrees.
2. In a large pot over high heat melt the butter and oil.
3. Salt and pepper the chicken thighs and then brown them in the oil/butter.
4. Remove and set aside.
5. Drain all but one tablespoon of oil/butter goodness.
6. Add in the onion and cook until softened (about 3-5 minutes).
7. Add in the garlic, chili powder, paprika, and chipotles and cook for 30 seconds.
8. Add in the cider and bring to a boil scraping the bottom.
9. Add in the ketchup, thyme, Worcestershire, paprika, cayenne, sugar, and chicken.
10. Throw in 400 degree oven uncovered until chicken is done.
11. If you want the sauce to be a little thicker once the chicken is done remove it and set aside.  Put the pan over a high burner and boil violently for a couple of minutes.

Serve and enjoy!

Well this shouldn’t be a tough one but naturally it is. We are both of European descent and both cook from our culture regularly so that wasn’t going to fly. Mexican? Nope – I have mad cantina skills. American? Jeff has that market cornered. I said Greek? Jeff said you can make Tzatziki in your sleep. I said Chinese? He hit me over the head with our 10 year old thoroughly seasoned wok. Sushi? African? Lebanese? No No NO! I was overwhelmed and frustrated and mumbling to myself as I stomped and whined my way all through the house. Then it hit me. I ran into the back room where he was working (more like avoiding me because I was getting bitchy…) I said HAWAIIAN!!! He stopped pretending to work and looked up. I said and what do those crazy Hawaiian folk love to eat? He thought for a minute and said SPAM?? I laughed and said YES! And there is nothing quite outside our comfort zone like overly processed meat!

Hawaii’s fascination with spam goes back to the time of WWII when American soldiers ate it as part of their rations and in turn introduced it to Hawaii. Fresh meat was scarce so the Islanders stocked up on this canned salted meat which required no refrigeration. It has remained exceptionally popular and one of the classic ways the Hawaiian’s eat it is called Spam Musubi (pronounced moo-soo-bee) I think I may have had spam once at a luau themed party I went to many years ago. Jeff has never had it and has made it quite clear to me that this is my baby and only I will be eating it. I told him please even President Obama stopped for a Spam Musubi snack while playing golf at Oahu’s Olomana Golf Links. You like golf!!! He said well when President Obama buys me some Musubi and a new set of Pings I’ll take it under consideration. I guess my you golf too so you must like spam equation wasn’t convincing. Jeff is a tough nut to crack.

Getting the Spam out of the can was probably the most unpleasant experience in all of this. It took some coaxing and stabbing and cussing on my part but as it gracefully slid out of the can making this god awful squishy sound and then hit the plate with a thwack my tummy turned just a little. I wondered just how uncomfortable did FoodBuzz want me to be? Enough is enough already here is a taco… I have never made them before I swear! But I made a Spam commitment to myself and Hawaii and I was going to have Spam Musubi today if it killed me. So I sliced up the slimy Spam and worked up a marinade:

For those of you playing along at home here is the recipe:

1 Can of Spam
Nori sheets, toasted
2 C cooked sushi rice (sprinkled lightly with seasoned rice vinegar and a pinch of sugar)

Marinade:
1/2 C Shoyu
2 T brown sugar
3 cloves garlic minced
2 T sweet Hawaiian onion, minced
2 T grated ginger
1 serrano pepper chopped
1 cayenne pepper, chopped
Splash of sesame seed oil

Tamago omelet if you so desire. I so desired and so experienced massive Tamago failure… (I took the recipe from the book Easy Sushi.)

But I salvaged one…

Mix all of the marinade ingredients together, toss in the slices o’ Spam, cover and refrigerate for about 4 hours. (I know the suspense is killing me too…)

To make a proper Spam Musubi you need a Musubi press. I happened to have a sushi press that I hoped would do the trick because this is Indiana and ha ha ha they may be outlawed here.

So after about 4 hours remove the Spam from the fridge. Take the Spam slices out of the marinade and fry them up in a pan. I even fried mine up in some bacon grease hoping that would LURE Jeff to the Spam side. He is not biting. Get them nice and crispy then remove to cool.

Lay the nori sheets on a flat surface. And place the frame of the press on top of the nori. Fill the frame 1/2 full of rice.

If you are using the illusive Tamago omelet lay that on top of the rice and then top with the Spam. Now take the press part of the press and press down the whole thing so that you press it into a nicely pressed layer cake of sorts.

Then remove the frame.

Remove the press and take the exposed edges of the nori and fold up over the roll, wet edges of the nori to seal. Slice into big bite sized pieces and enjoy!

So I had my first taste of Spam Musubi and I have to admit, once the Spam was marinated and fried in bacon grease and pressed into a roll with seasoned rice and tasty tomago it was pretty good. It won’t be a part of our regularly scheduled meals however. I will leave that to the Islanders.

I hope I haven’t completely scared you off my dear readers and if not, please take the time and tell FoodBuzz that you want us to be the next Duo of Food Blog Supremacy!