Anyway, I have a tendency to eat breakfast, lunch AND dinner like I am Good King (Queen?) Wenceslas. (See how I threw in that itty bitty touch of Christmas? And yes, Jeff is crossing his eyes at this very moment in his Scrooge McDuck PJ’s.) And I know for a fact that most of you do just the opposite of what you are supposed to do. Yes. I am talking to YOU!… Breakfast like a pauper. A pauper who can afford Starbucks and a scone, sure, but a pauper none the less. BAD! You just fasted all night and now you have to be alert. Okay, I will admit. Caffeine is a good start.  But you need more. So. If we should eat breakfast like a king, how about we throw in a little of what British Royalty refer to as the dogs bollocks. Although I PROMISE they do not taste like bollocks nor were any dogs harmed in the making of these most pukka crumpets.

Now crumpets are generally bland and eaten with jam or butter. I however also love them to sop up messy egg yolks and bacon grease. I know – WHO KNEW? Also, I make mine with buttermilk rather then plain milk. I always have buttermilk on hand (because why you ask? I make my own butter…) Plus I find that that buttermilk tang really makes them tasty. You do need a few kitchen tools tho. Like a nice griddle, and crumpet rings. You can also use egg / pancake rings. I actually use biscuit cutters. The handle makes them easier to pull off the crumpet without burning my fingers and in truth it is all I have in my 4 foot kitchen at the moment. I is so smart.

What you need:
1 2/3 C AP flour
1 2/3 C bread flour
3/4 t cream of tartar
2 1/4 t yeast
1 T sugar
2 1/4 C warm water
3 t salt
1 t baking soda
2/3 c room temp buttermilk

What you need TO DO:

Sift together flours and cream of tartar. Set aside.

Combine yeast, sugar and water. Let sit till frothy – about 10 minutes.

Add flour mixture to yeast mixture and beat till smooth. Let stand 1 hour. During this time the batter should rise and fall.

After an hour, add the salt, blend well, and let sit for 30 minutes.

Damn. There sure is a lot of WAITING for these freaking things…

Combine the buttermilk and the baking soda, then add to the batter gently. It may seem like the batter is “fighting” the addition of the buttermilk. That is because this isn’t really a batter, and it isn’t really dough. It is soon to be a crumpet. They like to rock it their own way. Just mix gently and soon it will play along.

When you have a nice smooth batter going, let it sit while you heat your griddle over low heat and grease your crumpet rings.

Place the rings on the griddle and pour the batter (I use a ladle) into the rings, filling them half way. Cook over low heat for 7-8 minutes. Bubbles should form and pop leaving those yummy little craters on the top of the crumpet. Once the crumpet is cooked thru, i.e. a little dry on the surface (it will also pull slightly away from the ring…) remove ring and flip. Cook till golden – about 2-3 minutes. We Interrupt this Recipe for a Message of MUY IMPORTANCE! The rings MUST be greased very well. And you need to be PATIENT waiting for the crumpet to cook before flipping. Ignoring either of these two directives will only result in tears and crumpet fail.

So once the crumpets have cooked 2 – 3 minutes on the other side, remove from heat and cool on a wire rack.

Toast when ready and serve with butter or bacon or jam or bacon or eggs or bacon. Did I mention they are AMAZING with bacon? Too bad you only get a photo with butter. My bacon motivation this weekend only went as far as eating it. (But I just said it 5 times to one up Jeff in the smoked pork quota…) By the way. You can bake. And freeze. And when you want one or twelve, just take em out and throw em in the toaster.

And woot your a king! Just don’t let all that royalty go to your head Kamehameha…